Subscribe: Apple Podcasts | Android | Spotify | Google Play | RSS
***Trigger warning**** Joshua Shea is a recovering alcoholic and pornography addict and the author of The Addiction Nobody Will Talk About: How I Let My Pornography Addiction Hurt People and Destroy Relationships, released in January 2018 and co-author of He’s a Porn Addict…Now What?
In this episode, we discuss how porn and sex addiction start, the depths they can take you, and how to safeguard our kids against the pornification of our culture.
The prevalence of porn in our culture petrifies me.
The Barna Group released a study that showed that 1 third of men 18-30 years old are using pornography or are addicted to pornography. Pornography addiction can be a very shameful topic, which makes it very difficult to talk about. But our guest today, Joshua Shae, recovered from pornography addition and wrote a book about it, and is here to share his story and lessons with us.
Joshua was mentally and emotionally abused by his babysitter when he was a child up to 6 years old. That led him to develop coping patterns to focus on the short term – surviving til tomorrow no matter what he had to do. When he turned 8, the babysitter left the picture and he was able to make it through a normal childhood. That was until his cousin showed him hardcore pornography for the first time when he was 11 years old. A light went off for him and from that moment he said he found the key to surviving life. His coping pattern went into overdrive. He’d go on to use pornography daily, through gaining very easy access to it at 13, to using it when his wife was away or gone to bed at 26.
“I know enough porn addicts now to know you can’t stereotype them. They can be anyone.” – Joshua Shea
Everything changed when he became an entrepreneur in his mid-30s. His addiction was manageable before. But after he had a high of business success, followed by a rapid decline, he spiraled out of control. He started abusing alcohol and pornography more and more, coming off his bipolar meds, stopped sleeping as much. His life hit a wall when he was arrested. Why? You’ll have to listen to the episode for the full story.
But that is now how his story ended. And it’s not how we’re ending the episode either. He went into rehab and he recovered and he’s here today as an expert on dealing with pornography addiction and as someone who has been there and learned the lessons. You’ll learn about his journey to rock bottom, getting arrested, his recovery and a lot more.
“It’s not just about not drinking or looking at pornography. It’s about becoming a more complete person.” – Veronica Valli
Develop healthy sexuality
Joshua says pornography addiction is different from other types because the levels of what’s acceptable, a gateway or a trigger for the addiction varies from person to person. You can use cognitive behavioral therapy, talk to someone, join a support group. But realize that everyone’s recovery from sex and porn addiction is different, so learn what your own triggers and gateways are to avoid.
Recovery is an incremental process.
When we develop full-blown porn addiction, we’re creating a habit and a pattern. Recovering is doing the same thing, creating a pattern that will hopefully run on auto-pilot. It’s a conscious, incremental process, but over time it will become easier to maintain.
Talk to your children about it.
Joshua believes like smoking, drugs or violence, talking to them – in an age-appropriate way – about the downfalls of pornography should be a part of that conversation. There are books that do a good job of it and one thing Veronica does is tell her children “nobody is ever allowed to look or take pictures of what’s under their swimsuits”. If we want to save the younger generation from this addiction, we need to talk about it more.
Don’t go overboard the other way.
There is a danger that being too extreme in our response or “proactivity” towards dealing with porn addiction with our children can cause it to become a “forbidden fruit”. We don’t want to demonize sexuality and children at the appropriate age are naturally curious about themselves sexually and the opposite sex. A great way that came up in this episode is to explain to them the dangers of porn addiction, specifically teaching our boys about porn-induced erectile dysfunction. MIght be scary enough to do the job.
Are you ready to up your sober game? Join Chip’s Men’s Recovery Group Soberful Men Coaching Program
Connect with Joshua Shea | Joshua’s Website
Joshua Shea’s Books:
He’s a Porn Addict…Now What?: An Expert and a Former Addict Answer Your Questions
Never miss another episode!
Get the sober life you've been longing for. Start by subscribing and we will deliver new podcast episodes as soon as they are released.
We hate spam too. See our Privacy Policy
P.s. Share or Save this Post
