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An engaging and enlightening conversation with Suzanne Najarian Goodson, who is a sacred and sober sexuality teacher and coach. We discussed the challenges of engaging with our sexuality once we are sober, how to talk to kids about sex and sexuality, and how authenticity in our sexual relationships will transform them.
So much of our idea of our sexuality was imposed on us externally.
And it’s time to take that power back. One of the best people to help us with it is Suzanne Goodson. She’s a sacred and sober sexuality teacher and coach (exotic), meaning she helps people deepen their relationship to themselves and their spirituality to have better sex, communication and relationships and she’s also been sober for 31 years now.
“Part of being sober is being alive and being alive is being connected to all of who we are.” – Suzanne Goodson
It was during her recovery that she got married, had 2 children and realized the sexuality in her relationship had died. That’s when she embarked on a journey to rediscover her sexuality. She emerged on the other side a new person, but her marriage did not.
The problem we fall into as people in sobriety is we lose touch of what is fun and pleasurable. Not so much lose touch, but we’re apprehensive to trust ourselves. Because, after all, it’s our pursuit of fun and pleasure that we developed a drinking problem. And so sex get’s tangled up in that.
But that doesn’t have to be the case. We can have wild, exciting, breathtaking sex lives and a stronger intimate relationship with ourselves.
First things first before we begin our sexual awakening journey, is to get support for our traumas. Sexual coaching is not meant as a replacement for healing your traumas. However, Suzanne strongly believes that body-based healing is essential in the process as our physical bodies are where trauma is stored.
The next thing is to acknowledge where you’ve received conditioning about sex from your parents, your experiences as a child, what you see in ads, pornography and even religion. Somewhere beneath all of that lies the truth.
The truth is sex is beautiful. Sex is about connection, whether it’s with a partner or connecting with yourself. It’s about learning what you need and having the vulnerability and confidence to ask for it, instead of burying the feeling or numbing out with alcohol.
“Ideally, we should have 3 parts pleasure to 1 part pain in our healing.” – Suzanne Goodson
If you’re hesitant to get sober or you’re newly sober, the fun isn’t gone. It’s really just beginning. We go into even more detail on this episode, we talk about setting and maintaining your boundaries, tantric sex (think something similar to yoga), the questions you can ask to take a pleasure inventory of yourself, how to talk about sex, masturbation and the gender spectrum with your children and more you won’t want to miss.
Give yourself permission to not be shamed
Don’t feel ashamed of your sexuality. It’s not naughty or taboo or disgusting to want to experience your sexuality. It’s natural, just as your hands and feet and your emotions of laughter and sadness are natural. Sometimes the thing we need most to start us down the path to sexual awakening is to decide to not be ashamed by it anymore. To acknowledge that you have negative conditioning around it, but you won’t let it stop you from knowing yourself anymore. Give yourself that permission today.
Sexual trauma is stored in the body
So through the body is how we heal it. Talk therapy is helpful but it goes along with body-based healing for it to be effective to release sexual trauma. In the episode, Suzanne walked through an example of using pleasure to heal hurt and emotional pain which I think is very interesting.
Invite sexuality back in
Suzanne spoke about performing a 5 sense practice with your partner or alone – light candles, beautify your space, wear something that feels sexy and slow and explore the 5 senses can help to awaken your sexuality.
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