#136 – Episode 136 – Commitment with Tamara Kirby


When we commit to sobriety what does that mean? Why does it feel so scary? Why do we want a ‘side-door’ in case we don’t like it? In this episode, Veronica chats to Soberful coach Tamara about what commitment really means.

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What This Episode Is About

When I think of commitment, I think, “Yes, but I’d also like a side door, just in case I change my mind.” – Veronica Valli

There’s something about commitment that feels restrictive and scary and that often triggers an automatic negative response in us.

It’s a feeling that by committing, we’re losing our freedom.

For this episode I’m joined by Soberful coach, Tamara Kirby, to talk about commitment, how we commit, our fear of committing, and how all of that relates to sobriety.

When Tamara started her sober journey, the prevailing thought in her mind was about how much she was going to lose by giving up alcohol. Looking back though, she realized that her commitment to alcohol was actually restricting her freedom because there were so many things she avoided in her life, in order to prioritize drinking.

The other side of our fear of commitment is a fear of failure. “What if I make this big declaration but I can’t do it?”

That heavy feeling, the weight of your commitment, can really change the outcome.

The truth is, when we commit to something, chances are we’ll slip up at some point. But if you’ve listened to my mindset training you’ll know I don’t believe in failure. It’s all feedback.

When you make a commitment to sobriety you’re making a commitment to yourself and what’s possible inside of you. – Veronica Valli

When Tamara first decided to commit to recovery she went to meetings, asked for help, and all was well for six months. Then something happened. Unconsciously, she picked up a bottle and slipped back into old patterns.

From that experience, she realized that in order to maintain her sobriety, she had to commit to purposeful action. She says the key for her was to make the commitment to herself to do the work, instead of a commitment to being sober. The result of that commitment is not drinking, being happy, being free, and having a lot of choices.

Commitment is the foundation of great accomplishments. – Tamara Kirby

Eventually, we all come to a point where we have to make a choice: commit to our relationship with alcohol or commit to sobriety.

At times that may mean inconveniencing yourself but while you have to make an investment of time, money, and energy into sobriety, it’s nothing like what your commitment of time, money and energy was to your alcohol problem.

That’s gonna feel a bit scary, but you’re gonna do it anyway.

I didn’t know that the process was going to change the way that I view myself in the world. I had no idea that I was going to love myself as much as I do. – Tamara Kirby

The revolutionary change that occurs deep within us and the profoundness of that is something you can’t comprehend at the beginning of your sobriety journey. But if you make a commitment to yourself, and sobriety, and doing the work, it’s worth it. We mess up all the time, but we keep going.

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