Lynn Matti, psychotherapist and author of 5 Weeks to Self Confidence: A Guide to Confronting Your Inner Critic and Controlling Your Relationship with Your Thoughts joins Veronica to talk about how we can dismantle the inner critic to build our self-confidence and self-esteem.
We tend to bury the original concept of ourselves underneath the values and beliefs we develop and live by.
“The antidote to negative feelings is accurate, fact-based feelings” – Lynn Matti
These values and beliefs are things we’ve gained over the years through experience and learning from others. It’s a very limited structure we’ve placed on our limitless self concept.
So you can imagine what happens if we grew up around trauma, or around people who didn’t handle conflict well. If we’re taught in school to view and interact with people different from us a certain way. If we learn lessons on how to treat each other from less than reliable sources.
What happens is our original concept of ourselves gets pushed down to a small percentage of our existence, and we’re basically walking around made up of other people. We’re 10% us and 90% our parents, friends, neighbors, enemies and acquaintances.
“In a better relationship with ourselves, we truly get to know the iceberg beneath the water line.” – Lynn Matti
How do we start to shift that? To uncover the real us and find our true self-confidence?
Psychotherapist Lynn Matti is on for a second time on the podcast, and she’s talking about her book: 5 weeks to self-confidence: A guide to confronting your inner critic and controlling your relationship with your thoughts (available everywhere!).
One stand out thing we talk about is why our internal voice is so negative. A study published in Forbes Magazine showed that we’re discovering that mood and anxiety disorders are housed in the same part of the brain that teaches us to think negatively. A fascinating and potential breakthrough that can help people like Lynn better treat these disorders with therapy.
We also talk about the book, and what the chapters focus on – and the approach you can start to take to develop your self-confidence, negative and positive thinking, how to retrain our brain away from negative self talk, the difference between self-esteem and self-confidence and so much more!
“Most rumination and worry is all about stuff we can’t do anything about” – Lynn Matti
Awareness, Insight, and behavior change
To change our behavior, we need to understand what our particular self-confidence is. It’s different for everyone. But through awareness, we start to gain insight into the nuances in how we act, where the vulnerabilities are, where the low-hanging fruits are that we can improve on, our strengths and weaknesses. Through awareness and insight, we can map out our internal structure and begin changing the areas that no longer serve us.
Take time for self-reflection
Whether you’re a high achiever or not, though it’s very evident in high achievers, everyone would rather do something to improve than sit and reflect. But taking the time to look inward can play a massive role in that improvement we seek. When we understand our triggers and what drives our behaviors, we can make better decisions. So while you’re going 100 miles an hour in life, every once in a while, pause and reflect.
Stop shoulding all over yourself
Delete the word “should” from your vocabulary. It doesn’t help you, it reinforces that you’re a terrible person, it keeps you thinking critically about yourself. Re-frame the sentence to be more empowering or at the least, helpful. Veronica gave an example of missing the gym, don’t use should and feel defeated, focus on what could make you hit the gym as planned next time.
Connect with Lynn Matti
Podcast: SoberSoul Recovery
Soberful Episode 30 | From Despair to Freedom with Lynn Matti
SheRecovers 2020 | Miami, FL May 1 – 3, 2020
Forbes Article | Scientists May Have Just Uncovered The Brain Circuits Behind Mood And Anxiety Disorders
Never miss another episode!
Get the sober life you've been longing for. Start by subscribing and we will deliver new podcast episodes as soon as they are released.