Why are endings so hard? In this episode, Chip and Veronica explore how we struggle when things end. They look at how people can sabotage endings, avoid dealing with them or cut people off. Transitioning to different life chapters requires us to be honest about our feelings and communicate our struggle with things ending.
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“Endings are transitions.” – Veronica Valli
Although endings are inevitable and they come up in many areas of our lives from relationships to jobs to rehab, most of us weren’t taught the tools and skills to handle it in a healthy way.
I learned a lot about how hard endings can be early in my career.
People came to rehab and for the first time in their lives, they felt a sense of belonging and being heard.
But six or seven weeks into the program they started to get anxious, seeing that the end was approaching.
For some people, there’s the fear of the unknown waiting for you on the other side that can lead you to sabotage yourself in the hope of stealing some extra time.
Then there are feelings of betrayal by the people that had reached out with a helping hand now seemingly pulling away and sending you off to fend for yourself.
And of course, there’s the anger. When people are scared and frightened, it often shows up as anger which can then lead them to trash the entire experience in an effort to protect themselves from the pain of the separation.
“The ending of a romantic relationship triggers a lot of fear. That’s why people stay in relationships well past their sell-by date.” – Veronica Valli
Outside of a rehab environment, we see similar patterns play out in relationships of all kinds.
When a relationship runs its course we can get stuck in this awkward place where neither person knows how to leave. From there, someone usually does something that sabotages the last bonds holding them together and forces an ending.
“Looking back over all my relationships – be it with jobs, people, friends – I can see them as transitions. But actually when I’m in it, I can’t see it that way. ” – Chip Somers
Transitions can be messy but denying it and pretending it’s not happening is what causes all the problems.
The only way to successfully navigate endings is to acknowledge how you feel and to talk about it.
By being honest about your feelings and how difficult it is, you give yourself the opportunity to work through the transition in a healthy way and find happiness on the other side.
In this episode, Chip and I are sharing the difficult endings we’ve had in our lives and the life skills we’ve had to acquire to get through them.
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